So after today, I realize that I accept not only the things I cannot change, but the things I can. I'd gone broke and felt kind of guilty for taking from my friends. So, today, after laughing at the fact that my bank was still holding $1.22 to my name, I realized that after I get really mad at something, I don't care if it even exists.
I'm more like, I'll care about something to a certain point, then after that, I just don't bother. I have the tendency to accept things that I cannot change. Sometimes, I'll just accept something for what it is because I can't be bothered to change it.
I did, however, make a phone call and got my money by the end of the day, so I am no longer broke (yey!). Things seems to have worked out, however, and I'm back to being myself.
Advocating something that I know I need is different from advocating what I think I need or want.
When I worry about someone, I tend to get a little quirky; I don't know how to show my sympathy for their current problems, nor am I able to offer much of any suggestion. I just listen.
So my point is, I know I can't take someone and make them feel better, or give them a solution and tell them that it's the only way. I just have to accept the fact that they can take care of themselves, and if not, then they'll find help. As for me, I kind of accept anything that rolls my way, and for once, I actually did pick up the phone and make sure that everything was okay.
Leanna and John had tagged me as the sheltered one on facebook. I agree with it because whenever a crisis ever came up in my life, someone was there to either guide me through it, or do it for me. I never really learned to advocate for myself. Now's a good time to start, I suppose.
And when I told my CAS worker about my money problem, the first thing she asked was if I had found someone to take care of me. I was kind of insulted (even though I had automatically expected someone to come to my rescue), but I told her that I had taken a loan from a few friends and I am kind of getting better at this whole... independence thing.
It's harder than I thought, but I think I'm beginning to get the hang of things. :)
Just wait until I start renting out a place... Oooh boy.
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2 comments:
It's true - you are getting better at being independent, but it does take time. For the first time, you're living on your own. That in itself is a huge step towards independence. A lot of people are in the same situation.
Shortly after I turned 19, I moved to Belleville. I had only been to the city a few times and definitely didn't know my way around. I mean, I grew up in Marlbank, which has a population of about 400, so I was pretty sheltered myself.
You are learning and I'm proud of you. Honestly, you're budgeting your money better than I am and I've been 'independent' for a few years now. Like I said, it does take time, so don't have too many high expectations right away.
Sometimes you'll have to mooch off of others - it's a part of life. However, being the reliable person that you are, your friends don't mind. I certainly don't. As far as I'm concerned, the only time I ask for money back is when I'm in desperate need myself. It happens. Life's tough, and unless you win big, it doesn't get any better, but it's a great learning experience.
Am I making any sense?
There are two issues at play here, and neither is really a bad thing:
1. You are taking your first steps into adulthood, and with that, independence. It takes time. You won't feel comfortable, and self-reliant for many years. Life is a series of challenges, and from each of these, we grow.
2. You are the kind of person, who while not totally independent, thinks of other first. You are hesitant to ask for help, because you are more concerned about the well-being of others. It's a very good trait to have; especially in our chosen field.
I have seen you grow immensely this year, particularly this semester. Don't worry. You aren't any different than others your age. When I was your age, I was often confused, hesitant to ask for help, and didn't always make the right decisions financially, or professionally. It's part of growing. You make mistakes, you learn from them, and you mature. It is a gradual progression. Some day (and believe me, it moves quickly!) you will suddenly realize you have grown exponentially as a person, without ever really stopping to consider it.
You are on the right path. Just keep doing the things that you know are most beneficial to your long-term growth and well-being, and you will succeed on every level.
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